Enough is Enough
Today we talked about inner-peace in class and how it relates to us, the world, and the global economy. Interesting. First, I'd like to talk about how I relate to inner-peace.
Since I became enamored with yoga, I have sought some form of inner peace. I know that to attain inner peace I should not compare myself with others; but I do. Self compassion is necessary for inner peace yet I easily berate myself for saying or doing the 'wrong' thing. I continually have compassion for others but am near deficit in compassion for self. During the last year, as I practiced Kundalini yoga, I experienced prolonged time periods of inner peace. It was blissful but fleeting. Inner peace is not something that we attain and then have forever, it is a never-ending journey.
Examples of inner torment OR "It's not Easy being Jenn Manhoff":
Sunday I received my first paper back from my professor. I immediately read the score and then read the comments. Disbelief and worry flooded over me as I interpreted my grade as a 'B' and the professors comments as biased and personal. I had put so much thought and work into my paper, was it not enough? How could I do more? Will I be a 'B' student at UPEACE? Are my fellow students smarter or better than me? Does the teacher prefer them? I tormented myself with these thoughts for the next 24 hours as I compared my score to others and sought an answer to this dilemma. I had become a neurotic graduate student. Of course, I made an appointment to speak with my professor. I didn't sleep well and wondered how I could fit more studying into my already crammed day. My credibility as a graduate student was in question. Then, the meeting. I had not only misinterpreted my grade, I did the math wrong. The comments my professor wrote were not criticisms nor did she suggest I change what I had written. They were just comments, food for thought. She said she liked my paper. Relief came to me followed by swift kicks in my butt doled out by me for putting myself through so much turmoil. The lesson for self-compassion had not yet taken hold.
Part II: When sitting in class I look around and see the beauty in every person in the room. I appreciate their differences in appearance and their inner beauty. Loving them for who they are is so natural for me. Yet each morning that I look in the mirror I pinch and prod and judge. I scold myself for eating 2 cookies instead of one at the party the previous night. In class I wish I was more witty, more savvy, more talented, more like others whom I know not enough about to even be making such judgements and comparisons. And, oh yeah, it's been noted that comparing oneself to others does not lead to happiness nor inner peace.
I will learn how to BE PEACE. I know it is within me just as I believed since high school that beauty comes from within. But how will we reconcile society? When will we stop comparing ourselves with our neighbors in a never ending battle to 'keep up with the Joneses'? And what is this battle doing to the rest of the world? At some point, we must realize what effect our actions have on others. We are living in a global economy. Chaos theory is not just a theory. Buying those $2 shoes is supporting a sweatshop in Vietnam where children are factory workers, hungry for their next meal instead of for the knowledge they should be learning at school. Somehow, the American Dream has rendered us incapable, or unwilling, to see the real value of the extra cost in Fair Trade goods. Change is possible. The first step is awareness. I don't believe that our society is evil or immoral. Just unaware. It's time for conscious living. Time to take responsibility for the state of the world. If it's not our problem, whose is it? When is enough, enough?
Comments
Post a Comment